Category: faith
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romans four
Law on my left Solid, formulaic, unbending I cling to you Your rigid structure comforts me Yet you are indifferent towards me Grace on my right Aromatic, inviting, free Sometimes waves of sweet relief Gently cleanse my grimy hands As they claw at this cold wall In desperation to be enough, do enough To stay…
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eyes on me baby – i’ve got what you need baby.
Asteria’s repetitive lines have been playing in the background of my thoughts since breakfast. The warm, buttery, marmite toast brought joy to my soul as I soaked up the winter morning sun, enjoying a slower than usual start to the day. Sensing the peace of the moment, I was quickly joined by my daughter and…
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ruts
I desperately clutch my blanket of negativity Deep ruts of despair dictate my thoughts This is all too much I can’t do this My inner monologue seeps toxic waste Polluting what I think and say You in me calls it out I lift my eyes to the Lord Where my help never ceases to…
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You prepare a table in the presence of my enemies
A table. To pause To refuel To relax To commune A symbol of peace In the presence of my enemies My enemies may not sit down But I choose to You pull out a seat And I flop into it Stay next to me Help me breathe Nourish me So I can rejoin the battle.…
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harvest hoarder
I am the person whose ground has produced a good crop so I build bigger barns to hoard it. The energy I need to manufacture containers for what is given me, produces anxiety and closed hands. The gift becomes a curse as I manage it myself – wholly untrusting the giver of crops to sustain…
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worth a try
God knew that laws didn’t inspire love. God knew something bigger and better had to be done. God knew that expecting loyalty and worship from flawed people was never going to yield good results. So instead, He gave Himself. We didn’t deserve it. It was a gift offered freely. And God gave this gift that…
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am I Your home?
John quotes Jesus saying that if I love people, God will love me and God and Jesus will make their home in me. Lord I totally understand why You wouldn’t want to live in a house wracked with dissension. I fully relate to the desire to live in a home where loyalty and selflessness are…
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peace I give to you.. and leave with you
I am Peter on the raging sea – my gaze desperately locked with Jesus’. That which terrifies me threatens to overcome me. As long as my focus remains fixed on the author and perfecter of my faith I feel calm. Held. I can endure this through the One who lends me strength. Even if I…
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last meal
I am the widow of Zarephath. Carefully gathering sticks with a heavy heart, knowing I will use them to bake my last loaf of bread. The last meagre resources I have will soon be gone, then I, and those I am to care for, will slowly and painfully die. This is all I have left.…
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what is love
When the storm passes and sailing is relatively smooth for a while, I chide myself ‘Don’t be silly, it’s fine – what are you worried about?’ Then another storm hits and I wrestle yet again. My deepest, most despairing part believes I am called to be better than this. The command to love one another…
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under construction
Yesterday I noticed they’ve changed the graphics on the construction fence surrounding the worksite. I paused to take in the artists impression of the new museum. It’s beautiful. It looks so engaging and inviting. I am struck with the realization that I hadn’t even comprehended what a new museum would possibly be like. I guess…
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in the trenches
During the times when family life flows beautifully, I say outwardly that it’s just a good season, but inwardly I quietly, smugly, maybe think I actually finally cracked this parenting gig once and for all. I give myself a little pat on the back reflecting that all the intentional quality time, measured responses, sacrificial self…
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made to be
My sneakers crunch on crispy leaves this still dark morning. I notice the illuminescent glow of a walkers backpack up ahead. I ponder – is it battery powered? Or perhaps a brilliant glow-in-the-dark fabric? As we journey – the backpack suddenly changes from cool white to orange – I spin around and notice the large orange construction…
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bear with
I have declared war on my thoughts Yet its not my war Its yours This is your idea, your model You need to help me You’ve brought to my attention My bitterness, my resentment Festering with every hateful thought Thoughts I hope will bring justification Imprison me I have been the unforgiving servant My…
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dear Jesus
Lord, I’ve come to the realization that my favorite place is You. You are my joy, my refuge, my hiding place, my dusky sunset friend and my cool night lake companion. How crazy that all those lofty declarations of love for You on the pages of my Bible Have become my heart cry. I thought…
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the God who runs
Two things have struck me this week. The realisation that perhaps I still want to do the right thing to try and be pleasing to God. When maybe the right thing is to know I please God and the right flows from that. And the second striking truth – that God isn’t a distant father…
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fourth leper
Out of the ten, I wish I was the one who remembered to come back and thank Jesus. 1/10 grateful people is a measly return – it seems my ungratefulness is in abundant company. This is sad rather than comforting. Perhaps some were in a rush to get back to family and work and completely…
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one of my sins
I am a hoarder of time I covet it It is my idol I deserve it. It is mine Intrusions are inconveniences Stealing my peace and quiet I move fast and act shrewdly Reasoning that’ll leave more time for me To do what brings me joy To be happy and full of peace An ideal…
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smelling flowers
The adage ‘stop and smell the flowers’ has always flooded my brain with shame at my perceived lack of appreciation and general busyness. Burdensome images of having to intentionally stop in the rush of my busy day, awkwardly bend down (not easy for this tall gal) and fabricate feelings of pleasure at something that others…
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letting go… again…
God, I find myself in the depths of anguish once more All the things that irritate me happened again today And I want everyone to know about it To join my angst To justify my position But to what end? Where does that ever leave me? It just spreads the misery around No one can change…
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I let go..
I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person or myself. I open to the love and presence of God and God’s action within -Thomas Keating Today I am drowning. I feel my lack acutely. I desire to languish in my insufficiency. I want to not be me. I let go of…
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greedy guts
I reminded our minister of a beautiful word picture he created that still speaks strongly to me, about the Christian life being a descent into fullness. He looked surprised and was like ‘That’s really good! Did I say that?’ I couldn’t believe he didn’t remember something so poignant. But then I realized how much…
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did I trick you God?
Today I found this prayer written by 17 year old me. At the time I meant every word. I was so worried that giving my all to God would mean giving up my dream of raising a family, that I earnestly begged God to make my heart want what He wanted. It would be the…
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are we there.. yet?
The secret is CHRIST IN ME, not me in a different set of circumstances. – Elizabeth Elliot Oh God. This. How I wish there was a shortcut. A faster way to develop this in me. It feels so. Excruciatingly. Slow. Sometimes I’m deluded into thinking I’m actually getting there, resting comfortably in your peace amongst…
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all the pancakes
Lord, you’ve brought something new to my attention this week. How completely untrustingly I come to you. I come to you with a vague hope that you might hear me and possibly give consideration to my plea. And if all the stars align and it’s not too big an ask – it may just happen…
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changing room
God and I had a wee chuckle today. My closet has been my sanctuary for a long while now. A place where I can hide from the world and just be me in the presence of my Creator. Sometimes people talk to me through the door. Sometimes there’ll be a little head on my lap…
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people are more important than time
We had a moment of mass confusion at the 3:10pm school pick up this week. Coordinating the last minute change of plans for five people over three schools is an organizational feat. The youngest limped behind the long strides of older brothers towards the car before collapsing into my open arms, sobbing, face bleeding. And…
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icy chasm
Today held an uncomfortable confrontation of a behavior from our child who has not yet known my love very long. It was necessary and awful. To me, the behavior I confronted spoke of a lack of trust in my care of the child. And that hurt. What stuck me deepest however was the aftermath. The…
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we can only trust those we know
We only trust people we know. If you are struggling to trust God, it may be because you don’t really know God – Martha Tennison I was pushed to what I think may have been my limit this week. I knew it would be a big week. All the preplanning that could possibly be done,…
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happy that you’re happy that I’m happy because you’re happy
Many people think God never expresses any passion or emotion until we miss up and then he gets angry with us – S J Hill I think I’ve been subconsciously thinking that for a very long time. Just now, as I hid in my closet, my well, my refuge – I felt God say He…
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first try
I recently partook in a quiet prayer morning at the home of a woman I deeply admire and respect. She offered us an enticing array of opportunities to connect with God and me being me, I was eager to engage with them all. Towards the end of our time, I remembered I wanted to sit…
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living above the line
We have a problem in our house with the saying ‘do to others as you would have them do to you’, because some of us are waiting until we are treated the way we want to before we treat others the way they want to. It just doesn’t work like that. It’s risky business this…
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shark week
I can feel the darkness falling Like a mist settling heavy on my soul I ache There’s no way to stop it’s decent I recoil from the anger and frustration As it spews from my mouth I don’t want to respond this way My hope vanishes like smoke Surely there must be a way around…
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metro musings
As someone who slides into the car, switches on my previously downloaded podcast, releases the break as soon as the windscreen has defogged enough only to see out of if I crunch my body in half – and proceeds to the fastest route with the least traffic, allowing for variables such as rubbish day, school…
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faith like a dog
Heavy breathing, pleading eyes, tongue hanging loose. I feel for the black haired beautiful beast of a dog walking at my heel. On the long hot paper run we get to a street that requires a walk up and down either side, returning to the same place I start.I know the poor dog needs a…
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practicing informed love
Today we had an important meeting with people I love. My stomach was in knots leading up to it for many reasons, most to do with past hurtful experiences and my own sense of disappointment after hours of hard work has been invested in something that apparently isn’t working for others. I surrendered my will,…
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i am prayer
I heard it said recently that praying is not something we do, but something we are. I am prayer. I am an open conversation with the Creator of the world. This perhaps explains how it seems that my thoughts, my silent aches are often answered and provided in – even if I have never officially ‘prayed’ for…
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nothing to lose – so much to gain?
Three things I’ve read this week speak of the Holy mutability of God. The idea that He invites us to participate in the outcome of life here on earth. Forever I have had a fatalistic outlook. What will be will be; why bother trying as nothing I do will change anything. But of that I’m…
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she’s not dead, she’s just sleeping
I’ve recently started praying for others again. I was worried I wouldn’t ever again. However it’s different now. My prayers pour out from deep within, saturated with love and trust. My purposeful conversations concerning others before God are moving from dutiful performance – to thankful, trusting devotion. I had concerns that I was so broken and…
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huh
How freeing to consider placing my confidence in God’s desire to speak in a way I can understand rather than relying on my own ability to hear.
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sweet sin
I crave something sweet every time I finish a meal. Even if it’s a snack, I want a snack dessert. I also know that if I brush my teeth, the craving for something sugary disappears. Even with this knowledge, I often choose eating a sweet treat over of the freshness of clean teeth – and…
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do you know who I am?
So many times this week I have been invited to reflect on the ways I see the love of God in my life. And I can’t. It’s like there’s a complete fog when I try to recall God’s love. I know in my head that my life is one big fat reflection of God’s love. But…
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thank you for your patience
A beautiful truth finally began the descent from my head to my heart this afternoon, and I am so thankful. We can hear good things over and over, and think we believe them, however often our deepest thoughts and actions betray our unbelief. On the battlefield that is our souls, healthy and whole sentiments often…
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prayer for my children, when they consider who to spend life with..
I pray for a partner for you who perfectly compliments your tender heart, capable hands and faithful love of Jesus. Who spurs you on, prays for you and reminds you of God’s promises when you doubt. Who, when something is on your heart to help with or to give to, they jump on board agreeing…
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finally – a smile!
I noticed a young man’s odd gait as he and a friend approached me this warm December morning. As he got closer I noticed the funny grin on his face before understanding that his odd gait was in fact a joyous type of dancing. My polite grin that I give fellow walkers turned into a…
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the tale of three buildings – part 2
I frequently drive past construction sites and barely notice them. They’re messy, complicated, busy places, far too much to sensibly process as I drive by. However one particular corner site gave me pause last week. The area had been a mess of construction so long I’d become accustomed to the untidy hive of activity, but…
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surprise
It’s a strange thing, when you invite God to take you on a journey inward and explore what is going on deep down, instead of becoming self centered or self righteous or drown in self pity or self loathing, the opposite seems to occur. Your good eye naturally turns outwards. When receiving only grace and…
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the tale of three buildings – part 1
This. False fronts. What this architectural concept represents has haunted me, since well, most of my life. From the moment I realized God sees everything, I wanted to make sure what I present to the world matches up exactly with what’s going on all the way though me. As I grew closer to my creator the awkwardness…
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it’s up to you
I may think differently tomorrow, but for today, I’ve been mulling over how our apprenticeship to Jesus is largely our own responsibility. At the end of time, it will not be valid to say ‘well, the church hurt me’ or ‘they did not cater to my needs’ or ‘the gospel wasn’t presented exactly to my…
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if I try a little harder
I reflect on my nagging, my bitterness and resentment precariously constructed from years of misguided Disney expectations of what love looks like. I simply want the person I chose (on the basis of their delightfully contrasting nature) to be exactly who I need them to be. But perhaps I am the problem, it is I…
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holy moly – it’s true
I feel like I’m on the cusp of something great. Realizing and releasing some of my unexamined, deep rooted, incorrect beliefs of youth. Perhaps there is this awkward verge over which many before have scrambled prior to gratefully diving naked and head first into a freer way of being. I’m desperately scrambling up the side…
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wild gardens
There is serene beauty in a neatly trimmed hedge boasting uniform plants. The upkeep is minimal, the conditions required for the plants to thrive are universally appreciated. Simply offer a seasonal trim and enjoy the rewards of visual symmetry with minimal effort. However I’ve come to appreciate the possible pitfall of this system. If the…
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choice
I am here on this wild beach as the spring morning awakens, to gather the smoothest, roundest rocks to use as memorial stones. As I venture further I delight in discovering one perfect stone after another, my cloth bag bulges, heavy with treasure. I pause, frustrated with myself. I’m doing it again. Logic dictates that…
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memorial stones
It is so easy to recall the tragedy we experience. The hurt, the betrayals.. the loss. Often my brain feels physically blocked when I try to reminisce the good. I am beginning to understand that it is perhaps why people set up piles of stones back in Bible times when God did something mighty and…
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choice is at the heart of dignity
I’ve been mulling over human agency. In the past I’ve not recognized or respected this right in you. I’ve bulldozed your dignity in the spirit of ‘jollying you along’. In a culture where it’s polite to refuse help, the last piece of cake or a ride in the rain the first time it’s offered, the…
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that’s enough for now
It’s a very strange thing, that growth inspiring correction makes one feel held, secure and loved. My adult life appears to be a continual process of awkwardly, uncomfortably and slowly unbecoming all the junk – leading me closer to where I want to be, walking in imitation of my savior. The latest junk that has…
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shine
I’ve been reflecting lately on how I feel that I don’t think I’ve ever been the last straw that leads someone to officially begin their relationship with Jesus. But in my thoughts I’m wondering if maybe, that’s not the only measure of ‘go make disciples’? Perhaps in all the times I’m obedient to Holy Spirit in…
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never stop working
“Thursday is my least favorite day of the week – do you want to know why mum? Because all my friends go to their horse riding lessons after school and I am all alone on the bus on the way home.” Miss nearly 12 didn’t put much energy into asking us for horse riding lessons…
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handstands with Jesus
Reflections on the similarities between a beginners adult gymnastics class and my relationship with God That feeling of being so inadequate and ill equipped as someone extraordinarily proficient demonstrates a skill I’ve never dared try before, but somehow a coach having faith in my abilities is the difference between me attempting it or not Still,…
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the pageboy, a wedding and a soggy patch
A bright busy little 2 year old I know had a big role to play in his Aunt’s wedding this weekend. He was dressed to the nines – suspenders, dapper suit and shiny black shoes. After a busy morning of preparation, the rhythmic movement of the bridal party car lulled the wee boy to sleep.…
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prayers from luke (part I)
Loving creator Give me the courage to put my nets down deep and expect you to provide a catch Let me rest in gratitude that you made the Sabbath for my good Give me strength to carry my friends to you when they can’t get there themselves Give me eyes to see and a heart…
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right there with you
As I travel behind her as she navigates the midday sand dunes, I contemplate how this moment echoes journeying with our creator. I feel so content to watch her navigate the winding paths, carved out by many before her. From my higher view, the paths she chooses aren’t always the ones I would have chosen…
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concrete faith
As I walk down a familiar concrete path my boots scuffing through a dense blanket of crispy leaves, I reflect on my trust of what is hidden from my view. Although I still feel some trepidation about the possible concealed dangers, a history of being held by this path time and time again permits me…
One Hungry Soul 