One Hungry Soul

Today held an uncomfortable confrontation of a behavior from our child who has not yet known my love very long.

It was necessary and awful. 

To me, the behavior I confronted spoke of a lack of trust in my care of the child. And that hurt.

What stuck me deepest however was the aftermath. 

The chill. 

The complete shut down of relationship post confrontation. 

After several painful hours I started rethinking – shall I remove the consequence? Shall I say something to try and make it better? How can I repair this broken relationship? The separation was killing me.

Then it dawned on me.

I hadn’t moved. 

I was still here. My arms were open, my heart had a posture of complete forgiveness. The consequence was natural and fair and necessary to help this young person grow (and stay out of prison) and would remain in place. There was nothing on my side holding this relationship back. 

The fractured communion was their choice. The chasm was held open solely by them.

As time is a beautiful gift, the frost eventually melted, the shame subsided and the child moved back into my warm embrace. 

How often I’ve acted, without trusting God’s provision and care of me, then hidden, ashamed. 

Does our lack of trust in God’s care hurt Him like this child’s mistrust stung me?

Does God long for instant reconciliation after we come face to face with our sin as I did? Does God ache in distant relationship when we prolong the separation- causing more heartache than the sin itself? Or does He just rest knowing we’ll come round, as He really has seen it all before..?

Oh Lord, help me remember this feeling. To know none of my sin surprises you or changes your view of me. Help me acknowledge the consequences of my disobedience as growth experiences and move quickly back to resting my head on your chest where I long to be.